Grandpa Got a Hooker for His Birthday

My grandpa turned 85 today, and my best friend bought him a hooker. I’m not sure how I should feel about this. Is she a hero? Is she insane? I can’t decide. Besides holding the honored position as my BFF, Juanita Hip-Hop (the name I’m giving her since she wishes to remain anonymous) also happens to be my grandfather’s caregiver. It’s probably important to mention that, as I don’t want her misunderstood as some kind of weird Santa Claus character who goes around dropping giftwrapped sex on elderly people’s doorsteps. Juanita warned me of her plans, but like any normal person, I took it in jest. I mean, she’s told me repeatedly over the years that she’s sending me my own Magic Mike, but I have yet to see any mostly naked firemen knock on my door. Evidently she wasn’t messing around this time. Where she found this woman, I don’t know. Sometimes it’s better not to ask questions. Note to self โ€“ How does one go about finding a hooker? Ask Siri later. Anyway, I was told (against my will) that everything went pretty smoothly, that there was just the briefest intermission when Pretty Woman poked her head out of the bedroom to inquire about the dentures that were falling out of Grandpa’s mouth. “Should I remove them?” she asked. “No, he’ll take care of it,” my friend responded. And that was that โ€“ door closed, whatever was going on resumed. File this under ‘birthday to remember.’ Even though I’m probably scarred for life and will forever be fighting off the mental images ofโ€ฆ today’s events, I think maybe I should be happy (?) that my grandfather had a good time. After all, you only live once, and as he said to my friend, “If this is how I’m gonna go, at least I’ll die happy.”

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7 comments on “Grandpa Got a Hooker for His Birthday

  1. mark danger says:

    So Grandpa got a hooker and you think that I am twisted. God I love google as I typed in random words and this came up and it happens to be yours. Ha ha ha.

  2. Danger and Melissa sitting in a tree ….ing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. If he enjoyed the attention and the intimacy, I think it is ok. It was not forced on him against his will.
    The denture part of the story was hilarious ๐Ÿ™‚

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